I never thought that I could feel the way that I feel when I'm with you...

As most of you already know... I met a boy. Well, more like, I met a man. His name is Nathaniel Michael. I have met him a few times over the past few years but never spoke more than a few short words to one another. It was always "Hi" and "Bye"...

We share a lot of mutual friends and one day, his best friend (which is my very good friend's fiance) decided that Nathaniel (Nate) and I had to meet. Although we have met before, they wanted us to "really meet". So time went by, my friend showed me pictures of him and at the time he had very long hair, not my normal type. But, there was something about those eyes that kept me going back and staring at those pictures. My friend and her fiance were consistently telling me so many wonderful things about Nate and constantly gave me more than one reason as to why we should hang out. As the days went on, I wanted to meet him more and more.

Finally, another mutual friend invited me over to watch the Patriots game. I'm not a big football fan so I wasn't so sure about sitting through a game for that long. Finally I decided, I would make some food and go for the company of a few good friends. That day, my friend told me that Nate would be there also! So, right away, I changed my outfit to something casual but cute, of course! I have this thing with hats. When I wear one, I feel secure, a little more confident and a little less nervous. So, I threw on my favorite hat with my favorite band logo, "The Cure" and off I went.

I made my way to Brockton to "The Dog House" and the whole time, I was showering myself in my favorite perfume (the one I get the most compliments on), checking my face in the mirror, reapplying my lip gloss and practicing my smile. Did I have to much makeup on? Does he hate the smell of smoke? Does he smoke? What's he like? I hadn't felt this nervous to meet a man in a long time. I just kept thinking about all the amazing things I was hearing about him and I kept picturing his eyes and smile in the pictures. Why was I worrying so much after only seeing this man in pictures and meeting him once or twice?
I finally arrived... I pulled up beside the white fence where nobody could see me from the house. I checked myself one last time in the mirror, grabbed the food, which was like a security blanket, something to focus on while walking to the door. I knocked on the door and alarmed the dogs. They were barking at the door and I heard my friends voice trying to calm them down. He opened the door, greeted me and took my security blanket out of my hands. I immediately paid close attention to the dogs, patting each of them while they jumped up and fought for my attention. I was at ease when my other friend came into the room and started up conversation. I began to feel comfortable but my palms were still sweaty and I was still a little shaky. Did Nate know I was coming here to officially meet him? Was he as nervous as I was? Did he even know I was coming at all? Was he even here yet?

I walked into the living room, the game was already on. The guys were yelling at the TV but stopped the moment I walked in the room. At that very moment, I felt the blood from my entire body rush to my face. I knew I was blushing harder than ever! They all said "Hi" and some got up and hugged me. I skimmed the room for an available seat and made my way to it as fast as I could dodging dogs, dog toys and legs. At this point, like always, the only words I said to Nate were, "Hi!" I planted myself on the couch and began trying to get into the game. The guys talked, cracked jokes and began yelling at the TV again. They were talking sports and talking about life. Every once in a while, Nate, the shy, mysterious kid in the corner that all the dogs were glued to would glance over at me and smile. The dogs kept jumping up on the couch where I was sitting, inspecting this new person in their home, every time they did, Nate would distract them so they would stop harassing me. There was something about him... The way he talked, the way he laughed and the way he would sneak a peak at me and I would catch him because I was peaking at him too.

It was crazy, the time was flying by, football game after football game would come and go. I was enjoying spending time with these people. They were all so great. I felt so welcomed and felt like I had been there everyday for the past year. I was comfortable at this point, I was being myself, no holding back. They enjoyed my company as much as I was enjoying theirs. They kept complimenting my pasta and my brownies. I finally got up the nerve to converse with Nate more. We were just chit chatting about our likes and dislikes. I was so amazed at how much we had in common. He made me smile, laugh and above all, he made me feel like I was the only person in the entire room when we were speaking.

Finally, it was getting late. It was almost midnight and I had been there since the early hours of the afternoon. I had totally lost track of time and was lost in the presence of these amazing people and this new amazing man. I stood up, grabbed my things and said my good byes. Nate stood up immediately and gave me a huge hug. That was it, that very moment I knew, I wanted to feel myself in these arms everyday for the rest of my life. Sounds crazy right? I thought so too. But, it's true... I really do believe in love at first sight now. Well, maybe not first sight, but first hug? haha... Whatever you want to call it. I guess we can call it, "Fate".

From that day forward, Nate and I spent a lot of time together, we would text, email, IM and hang out all the time. We couldn't get enough of each other. Was this real? Could this really be happening to me? Have I found everything I have been waiting for right here in this very person? I was hooked. When I left him, the first thing I wondered was, when will I see him again?

Weeks went on, we hung out just about everyday. Nate was such a gentleman. He opened doors for me, walked me to my car, had me call him as soon as I got home so he knew I got there safe. He never made me feel uncomfortable and always made me feel safe and special. He wasn't like other guys... He wasn't in any rush to touch me, he wasn't in it for that, he was in it for me, who I was and what I was about.

Finally, we made it official. I decided there was nobody else in the world that could compare to him or the way he makes me feel. The best part about all of this is that, he felt the same way. If there is such a thing... I think it's safe to say, he is my "Soul Mate". There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for him or to be near him.

We have been together for a few days shy of 4 months and it feels like it's been a lifetime. We know each other inside and out, we worship the ground the other walks on and we just mesh so well. Like Forest Gump said, "We go together like peas and carrots." People may think it's way too soon to feel this way or to love someone as unconditionally as we do. I beg to differ. I have never in my life felt so drawn and attached to someone. I have never loved this strongly and I never will for anyone else, ever.

So, thank you to my amazing friends for knowing me so well and knowing Nate so well and knowing that there was a slight chance for us to work. Thank you for helping us get to know each other better. Thank you for introducing me officially, to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. I promise I will do any and everything in my power from now until the day I die, to make this man happy.

Nate, if you ever stumble upon this Blog... I love you more than you will ever know because it is not humanly possible to put into words, the way I feel for you.

Positively Negative...

So... I have been noticing over the past week or so that I have a lot of negativity in my life. I have a lot of people around me that choose to blame others for their own mistakes. People that have nothing but bad things to say about the people and things around them, etc. Why is this? I mean, we all go through times where we are down and of course, it's true, "When it rains, it pours." But, I feel that this has become an everyday routine for quite a few people lately. Friends, family, co-workers, random people that I run into during the day or in the morning picking up my daily cup of java...

Well? What is it? Did I miss something? Has the rain, a natural form of mother nature that only brings beautiful things to life, really done this? I mean, I know we wake up to the sound of rain tapping on the window pain and automatically hit snooze and roll over. I know the commute to work or school in the morning is a drag when the roads are wet and people are driving overly cautious and slow. But, can't we look on the bright side? There is always sunshine at the end of the rainy, dark, dreary week! For instance, the forecast for this coming, Easter weekend is bright, sunny and hot! Isn't that what you all wanted? Oh wait, now there will be people wiping sweat off their forehead while watching the kids hunt for Easter eggs, complaining about how hot they are.

I guess the moral of the story is, people like to complain. It gives humans something to do, something to talk about. But why? Why can't we be happy with what we have? Why can't we look at the beauty in the rain? I know some people are reading this with the quiet hum of dehumidifiers in the background wanting to ring my neck because their basement was flooded... But, you still have a roof over your head. You are still in good health. You still have a job. You have family and friends that love you. You have to have at least one, if not all of these things! I know I have all of these things! I am at one of the happiest points in my life because I have learned to block out negative things and people and I have learned to focus on the positives in my life. No more dwelling on my car that runs when it wants to, a few inches too many of rain, being late for work, realizing that rent is more important than those new Nike Dunks, etc.

So cheer up! Life is good and it is all in what you make of it! So live life to the fullest. See the good in people! Before jumping down someones throat for something, stop and think, maybe their intentions were good. Maybe that is all they could afford to do. Maybe that is the only way they know how to do. Maybe their idea of a good deed isn't in good in your eyes... Whatever the case may be, let things roll off. There is always someone out there that has it worse than you do!

Is she blogging now?

All I hear about lately is, blog this and blog that! So, I began reading a blog that my friend posted today. It's not as bad as I thought it was. It's just a cluster fuck of thoughts thrown out there for people to read, discuss and comment on. Pretty straight forward, right??

Well, here I am... I got sucked into the blogging obis. If I bore you just click that little "X" on the top right of this page, it's that simple. :)

One of the things on my mind today has been on my mind quite a bit lately and it's time to let it out! It's how I feel about so many females that are with men or that chase men that are selfish and inconsiderate of anyone's feelings but their own! I understand "Love is blind" but... How can you even begin to love someone that treats you this way? Some of the females that I know and some that I am very close to tend to throw themselves at men and end up hurt in the end. They wonder why these men walk all over them... Well my dear, if you lay yourself down, they are going to walk all over you, it's that simple. I'm not a man so I don't know for sure but wouldn't you think a man would want a strong, independent woman that knows what she wants and won't take any shit from anyone?! I mean, if I were a guy, that's what I would go for. That's what I look for in a man, anyway. Someone that is strong and independent, has a car, career, money, brains and above all things a soft, gentle, loving side.

So, now that I have gone completely off track, let me back my train up... Why do some females settle for less? I mean, I have done that twice in my life. I have settled for a man that didn't give me his all, didn't care for me the way I cared for him and lied to my face about his feelings.

I have also dated a guy that thought it was ok to abuse me in more ways than one and cheat on me, right under my nose!!... BUT, after being in relationSHITS like that, I learned to know the difference between an asshole and an amazing man. So I wonder, after watching the same females get screwed over time and time again... when will they learn? What will it take? Why do they continue to ask for my advice, pretend to listen and then do the total opposite of what I suggest? Is my advice that bad? Is it that hard to do what's best for you in the long run? Are you just so far gone that there is no helping you? Whatever it is... I really hope that one day, women will care more about themselves and their bodies. That is one thing I can honestly say, I have never given myself to a man that I didn't love. Why women choose to sleep with whoever, whenever beats the hell out of me! God gave you one body and one life. Respect it. If you don't, nobody else will either.

All I'm saying is... I know a lot of beautiful ladies that I care about very much. I hate that I have to sit back and watch them get used, walked on and above all things, disrespected. If you are offended by this in any way... you are probably one of the ladies I am talking about. I love you, smarten up. I shouldn't care more about your life than you do.